Failure

Few things injure pride and confidence worse than failure. Failure has been the story of today. This morning I woke up with every intention of finding a job finally. I have been putting it off for weeks and I knew it would likely be extremely difficult considering I only intend to work for the summer. The fact of the matter is I do not have time to work in the school year because my courses will require far too much work to allow for a job in addition.

So far this summer I have postponed the things I need to do. I have a presentation to give with Julia next Wednesday before the Steubenville Youth Conference and I have barely started collecting my notes for it. I've had big plans for writing this summer, but I've done nothing on that front as well. I haven't yet begun organizing the agendas and membership for the Dead Poet's Society I began (yes, based on the one in the movie) and I haven't begun to read the 8 books for AP English next year. Yes, it's early, and yes I am behind. But I figured I'd get at least the job hunt out of the way today, and maybe some writing, and definitely work on the presentation.

So early this afternoon I drove over to Wegman's to search there, since that's been my first choice all along. The man told me that they were hiring but it would take 3 or 4 weeks for the application to process. Well... that doesn't really fit my schedule too well since I can only work till the end of summer and 3 or 4 weeks from now summer is over halfway done. Plus we've got a vacation in August. So much for that plan. But at least I had backup. I went to the 3 Starbucks in the area (my love of coffee + job in coffee shop? dangerous yet delightful!) to no avail. Each was hiring for the fall. Dejected, I went home. After my guitar lesson (guitar actually is the one thing I *have* been doing so far this summer) I figured I should resume the search. After eating of course. And despite my love for Boston Market, something about it makes me not want to work there. The TGI Fridays across the street confirmed my suspicion that they would not let me work as a waiter because it would require me to serve alcoholic beverages. Once again stalled on the job question, I figured I'd take up the pen again at least. I was very close to the park that I like to go to and think or write sometimes. So I walked the distance to the plateau that overlooked the sprawling vista of the valley below. I'd done well there before with ideas and inspiration, so why not? On the walk to the hill I kept getting some pretty good ideas that I intended to run with. When I reached the top though, nothing came back. Several of the ideas were just gone, and the rest I couldn't get past a line or two. I couldn't remember enough to continue with my book from where I left off a month or two ago, and each poem I tried to write fell to dust fairly quickly. After about a half an hour in this fashion, I gave up. Upon leaving the park I gave Wegman's a second try on a whim, but the 3 or 4 weeks were a constant. Nothing to be done there.

I still have several other ideas for prospective employment, but I wasn't really in the mood tonight. Maybe I'll give them a shot later. For today, nothing really came out the way I planned. Still, probably something I can learn from all this. Usually failure is the best way to learn. Personally I've learned something. Start looking for jobs well in advance of the time you need them.